Living with you is a pain in my butt
by Shimaru Horizon
Summary: Hazama hit the lottery and bought a new house to get away form it all. Bad thing was, Relius hurt himself and a mistake in wording causes Shimaru, Carl, and Relius to live with him. Relius was also letting people live with him for no reason. Will Hazama ever get away? You have been warned! Also anuone who reads this. I need a little more help. If you have ideas for me,please tell.
1. Chapter 1

Not supposed to happen

Most of the time, the cast of BlazBlue have been living in apartments, but this time its different.

"YAHOO", Hazama screamed. "What's wrong Hazama", Relius called out from the kitchen. "I JUST HIT THE LOTTEREY", he jumped up with joy. "Wow really", Relius was confused but happy. "Now I can move away from you!" "Hey what's wrong with be my neighbor?" "Relius you come in my house everyday, to find something to eat. You act like a hobo, lets put it like that." Relius stood there dumbstruck as he ate a popsicle. "Is that my cherry popsicle?" He nodded his head. He bit half of the popsicle and offered the rest to Hazama. "Just eat it Relius. I don't want it" Hazama was mad but more disgusted. "You should go cash that, before you loose your chance. I'll watch the house while you go", Relius suggested. "I bet you will", Hazama mumbled as he left.

Hazama got the money to get a new house. That week he got the new house and was already moving in. As he was walking Nirvana attacked him, but this Nirvana was different. Her eyes bore the colour red. She had no head dress, and her hair was long and grey, instead of blonde. Instantly he knew who it was. "Shimaru it's not hard to just come out and say hi." She came out from behind a tree. "I'm sorry Hazama. I thought you were Relius", her cheeks turned a slight red. He backed up with a smile. "Wait, Hazama!" He tripped over a line, a bucket of water hit him, and Carl came out of the bushes with a sock filled rocks, ready to beat him. "Carl, its Hazama", Shimaru helped Hazama up. "Awwww man", he whined. "What are you two doing way out here anyway", Hazama shook some of the water off of himself. "Oh this is Relius little secret spot, where he does….things. He owes me money for that bail and he said he was going to pay two weeks ago, so Carl and I were going to beat it out of him", she smiled. "Yeah….Is it safe to ask what he does here", Hazama asked puzzled. "You don't want to know", Carl looked as if he was a little scared. "…Okay…..Well you guy have fun beating the living hell outta Relius."

"Terumi, I heard you hit the lottery. Congrats!", Shimaru said. "Yeah….who told you this", he asked. "Carl, after he beat the answer out of Relius." "Are you two aware that…." Shimaru and Carl saw Relius and beat him senselessly, until they heard something snap. "MY BACK, HIP, AND KNEES", Relius fell with a yelp. "Hazama help us carry him to Litchi", Shimaru yelled. "You're gonna need a tank just to drag his fat ass nine feet, but fine", he grabbed Relius' legs and carried him to the clinic. "Hey, Hazama. Why did you say that we would a tank in order to drag my father nine feet," Carl asked. "Because, boy, that's as far as they drag him before it rips in half", he replied. They sat there in silence. Litchi came out of the room with a sad face. "Ms. Litchi is Relius going to be okay", Shimaru asked. "Yes, he's fine. Just a few joints got knocked out of place. Relius will not be able to live on his own for a while though. One of you can take him in." Carl and Shimaru looked at Hazama. "Fine I'll let grandpa live with me." "Hazama that would also mean that you would need to take Carl, as well", Litchi said. At this rate I minus well take Shimaru too", he mumbled. "Really Hazama! I'll love to live with you", Shimaru leaped up with joy. "I didn't mean it…" He was pulled into a tight hug. Like the lighting, Shimaru s there then gone. "What have I gotten myself into?

Shimaru had followed Hazama home. "Wow, Hazama it's so big", she looked around in amazement. "Yeah sure", he walked away. He heard footsteps lingering behind him. "What is it", he never turned around. "We need your help to carry Relius. Carl, Nirvana, Juju, and I can't do it ourselves.", Shimaru smiled. "Who's Juju", he asked as they walked over to Relius who was lying there on the ground. "My version of Deus Machina….." "Yeah I get it", Hazama cut her off. "The people who I tried to get away from, ended up living with me." "This is going to be so much fun", Carl laughed. Shimaru tossed him in to the air several times. The two exchanged laughter, until they heard a knock on the door. Hazama opened in and saw Tsubaki, Makoto, and Noel. "We heard about what happened to Relius, and we made him some cake", Noel revealed the chocolate cake. "Cake is the last thing his fat ass needs now, but come in", he let them in. "Hey Relius, some girl scouts brought you a cake. Are you going to have a heart attack or misplace something if you eat it", Hazama kneeled beside him. Like a rocket and like nothing ever happened to him, he shot up. "Cake, where", he looked around. "I thought you were sleep, Relius", Shimaru called out. "He was, but as soon as I said cake, he's fat ass is wide awake", Hazama watched as Relius ran over to that cake, like he's never ate in his life. "Wow this place is so nice. Wish I could live here. Noel, Makoto, Nu, Lambda, and I all live in one little apartment", Tsubaki said as she gazed at the ceiling. "Well for giving me cake, you all can stay", Relius said with a mouthful of cake. Hazama overheard Relius. "The hell! No they…." It was too late.

Being as mad as he was, he managed to smile. "Hey Relius, are your old man parts giving you a headache", he asked with a devious smile. "Yeah." Hazama walked away. "Just give me a moment; I've got just the thing to cure that." He came back about five minutes later with a blue and yellow pill about the size of his pinky. 'That two of these at once, three times a day. As a mater of fact I'll help you", a fake smile rolled on his face. He shoved two of those pills down his throat. Relius gasped for air as Hazama continuously shoved those pill down his throat with a pencil. One hard swallow and they were down.

"Nu and Lambda, we're all moving in with Relius because we gave him cake, so pack up", Makoto yelled as she ran in the apartment. All of the girls packed up as much as they could as quick as they could. They headed back to Hazama's house. With an instant, they found bedrooms. "I guess you five can stay, but only for a month. There was a knock on the door. Hesitantly, Hazama opened it and saw Jin standing before him. "Make it quick Kisaragi. " "I heard that Ms. Horizon was here and I just came to say hi and to give her something. "No detours."

Jin walked in and saw Shimaru pressing a pillow to Relius face as Carl punched him in the gut. Shimaru felt his presence and looked up. "Oh, Mr. .Kisaragi hi! How are you?" "Fine I guess. At any rate, you left Jahina in my office and I just came to return it" disappointment began to increase after every word. "Thank you. Is something bothering you", she released the pressure off of Relius but now she sat on him. He took a seat on Relius stomach after Carl stopped punching him. "Well you see, Nii-san and I haven't been getting along lately. He plans to kick me out but, if he does that, I'll have nowhere to stay for about a month or so", he looked as if he was doing to cry. Shimaru gave him a hug. Someone began to beat on the door wit fury. "It's unlocked", Hazama called out. A man with red boots kicked opened the door. He looked as if he had fire in his eyes. "Jin did you light candles and leave", Ragna asked with fury. "Light….candles…? Oh no I left them lite", Jin said with fear in his voice. "Yeah and now we've got nowhere to stay!" Jin's heart couldn't take much more. He exploded in to tears. "I'm so sorry Nii-san", he sobbed. Ragna calmed down a little. "Okay Jin stop crying." Jin continued to cry his eyes out. "This is going to kill me", Ragna grumbled. He pulled Jin into a tight hug. His crying slowed down, and he rubbed his head against him. "You're getting WAY too comfortable", Ragna pushed him away. "So does this mean you forgive me for my stupid acts", Jin wiped the remaining tears from his eye. "When you find us a place to stay", Ragna said. Jin leaped into the air and yelled, "Done, my dear brother!" "That quick…" "Shimaru can we stay here", Jin asked. "Yes…", Relius said as he gasped of air. "Relius…..I HEARD THAT", Hazama came out the kitchen charging toward Relius. Shimaru and Jin jumped off of him and let him run as far away as he could.

Jin was highly surprised to see Noel Vermillion there. She came down the steps with a light blue semi- see through v- cut nightgown with ribbons on the ends that caught his eye. She had never looked that beautiful to him. He was at a loss for word. "Aww, looks like Jin's in love", Ragna teased. "If you ever say that I'm in love with Noel again, I will bite your head off, and tell everyone you know that you're a big softie that still plays with dolls", Jin threaten as he gave his brother a cold hard stare. "What's gotten into you, ya nutbar. ":I think she looks beautiful, that doesn't mean I'm in love, besides everyone knows that I'm only in love with one woman." "Lemme guess. Tsubaki Yayoi ", Ragna smiled as Jin's face began to turn red.

After Hazama had beat Relius up as bad as his car looked, he went to his room. A thought popped into his head. "How did anyone find this place?"

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

My next door neighbors

It had been about three months since Hazama bought his new house, and the people Relius let stay there never left. Lately Hazama has been getting sever headaches. In other words, somebody was seriously bugging him. It wasn't Shimaru because she usually kept to herself. It wasn't Ragna or Jin because they were usually beating the hell out of each other. It was a show to watch. Simply put, no one in the house was bugging him. Although he wished they would leave, they weren't the ones giving him a headache. No it was someone outside the house. The certain someone Terumi couldn't stand. She came by the house everyday, and for what? To play! Her name was no other than Taokaka. When Hazama bought the house, he was unaware the he live only but a mere two maybe three miles away from the Kaka village. When Tao saw that her favorite Green Guy had moved in, she immediately came to visit.

There was a loud knock on the door. By the seconds the banging got louder. "God damn it….I coming", Hazama yelled. He pulled open the door, "Hiya Green Guy!" "Oh, it's you. The hell do you want", his nose began to twitch. "Ummm…Cotton Candy girl came to ask you something", she moved aside to reveal two girls that stood behind her. "Yuuki Terumi, was it? Shimaru…Shimaru Horizon, have you seen her", they asked. "Nope. Never seen the girl in my life", he lied. "Don't lie to us, you twisted son of a bitch! Where the hell is she", fury began to increase in there voice. "Wow what language. Haven't your parents ever taught you better that that." "Terumi, we won't ask you again." They pulled out their staffs and pointed toward him. "You two are just horrible little girls. Pointing your toy at someone like that. You could really poke someone's eyes out with those sharp ends, you know", he continues to tease the two. Fury began to grow. "But if it's a fight you want, I'll give you one. Besides, I think it may teach you girls how to respect your elders." "Terumi, that enough", two voices called out. Two familiar voices. It was Shimaru and Hakumen."Terumi, what are you plotting", Hakumen asked. They ignored him. Shimaru hit him in the head. "Why I…" "Cotton and Candy Angel. It's been a while, and you two don't look like you've aged since the very first time I was you." "Shimaru, we're so glad you're safe", Candy said since her sister was too distracted by Hakumen. "Yes, I've been alright." "Oh good because for a second there I thought…." Cotton then saw the man of her dreams. She stared at him with wide eyes. Can you guess who it was? Hazama and Shimaru turned around. All they could see saw Relius standing there eating an ice cream. "Are you staring at Relius", Hazama and Shimaru asked. "It's Relius just the most beautiful, intelligent, and awesome man you have ever seen", she was fantasizing about him."No, no he's not. He's a waste of time if you ask me", Shimaru said she watch Hazama's face turn as green as his hair. Managing to catch a breath, Hazama yelled, "You are seriously in love with, that old, wrinkled up piece of shit?! I think I'm going to be sick…" "Come on Kazuma", Shimaru teased. "Don't call me that….."

The two girls ran in the house. "Terumi what are you plotting", Hakumen asked, yet again, pointing his blade at him. "I'm planning to go throw up somewhere", he buried his head into Shimaru's shoulder. "The child of a mirror", Hakumen was referring to Shimaru. She was going to say something, but the sound of bumping made her turn toward the stairs. Jin, Noel, Carl, Makoto, and Tsubaki, in that order, were sliding down the stairs in a cardboard box. They all knew that this was dangerous, but they did it anyways. Carl didn't feel any safer, considering the fact that he had sit on Makoto's lap. They were going so fast, that when the made to the bottom, Noel and Jin flew out. They hit a really sturdy wall. It smelled horrible too. "Bang Shishigami, where the hell did you come from", Shimaru asked. "Your backdoor was open. You really need to stop using such language", he replied rather loudly. "I'll stop if you if take a nice long bath and STOP SHOUTING LIKE NO ONE CAN FUCKING HEAR YOU, you damn idiot." "Hey. Hazama when the hell did you buy a skunk, oh its Bang. TAKE A BATH", Ragna called out. "When you fight as much as I do, you have no time for a bath." "Oh for the love of… What the hell do you want", Hazama yelled as he covered his nose. "I thought that Ms. Litchi was here", he replied with an annoying grin. "You are so desperate, she not…." Shimaru stopped. Litchi came charging in.

"M…m….Ms. litchi, what could you be running from? Do you need me to protect you", Bang asked, trying to sound tough. "I'm fine Bang, really I am." She looked up and saw Ragna. "Ragna, how dare you come into my clinic and steal all of my meat buns", she called out to him. "I didn't do a goddamn thing!" Litchi chased him all around. "That's it! You kids are making way too much noise! I can't sleep", a voice called out. The voice was all too familiar to Relius. "Oh, no. Please say it isn't so", he begged softly. "Open up this door", the voice grew louder. "Don't open that door", Relius called out to Hazama, for he was going to. "Is that Relius I hear? Open up! I'm just an old friend", his voice got softer. "Hazama don't you dare open that door!" Rolling his eyes, Hazama open the door. It was a man who appeared to be older that Relius himself. He had a banjo strap to his back. Like Relius, he really didn't look his age. The man slowly walked toward a cowering Relius. "Relius Clover…." His words came out in a soft voice, like a whisper. Relius couldn't speak. The man looked a Relius with a rather serious look on him face. His eye twitched. "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO POOR OL' IGNIS AND ADA", he roared. "Ben I can totally explain", Relius cowered. "Explain it to my ass. Carl told me you everything, you twisted son of a bitch. If you were going to this, why did you marry her?! Ignis should've married me instead ", His yelling was shaking the ground, but he wasn't that loud. "Why does it fell like the ground is shaking", Shimaru yelled. "I don't know, but I'm taking cover", Hazama yelled. He leaped behind Shimaru and grabbed her breast. "I hate you…." she blushed. "Hey Ben, I hungry", another voice called out as the ground was shaking more. "Ahh, if it it's Spike." "Dicobogenus, its Relius Clover. Don't call me 'Spike' anymore" Relius growled. "How's it been Spike, cause I hungry", Dicobogenus said.

"Spike, your nickname is Spike", Hazama asked as he slowly loosen his grip on Shimaru. Relius only sighed. Dicobogenus stomach began to growl. It sounded like thunder. He looked at a table and at it….WHOLE! "I'm scared now", Hazama whimpered. He grabbed Shimaru's breast with even more force, which made her squeak a little. "You must be that doctor. I ate all your meat buns and I have to say that they we're…..delicious. And that table was…satisfying. "You are still as fat as ever I see", Relius tried to put on a smile. "Shut-up Relius", Ben said. "Oh you don't mind that we come over sometimes", Ben looked at a cowering Hazama. "Sure, come over anytime", he sniffled."Good. And try not to be so loud Relius, we are right next door to you. You lame excuse for a man." Dicobogenus looked at Shimaru. He could smell her strawberry and banana perfume. "You smell…..delicious…" Being afraid for her life, Shimaru managed to jump over Terumi's head and ran away. "I'm still hungry", Dicobogenus said. He walked outside and got into his semi flat truck. With that they left. "Terumi you are free to let go, anytime you're ready", Shimaru looked him with those cold serpent-like eyes for hers. "Oh right." Relius fell, asleep and Litchi apologized to Ragna. Everyone went off to do their own thing.

Authors Notes: I know that you are going to need a little explanation. The only characters that I own are Shimaru and Juju. Dicobogenus and Ben belong to my brother. Everyone else is belong to Arc System Works (I believe). (I was playing BlazBlue CS Extend and I was looking at all my pictures. He kept yelling Dicobogenus (Pronounced die co bo gee nus)every time I would look at a picture of Hazama). Dicobogenus is an old friend of Relius. They called him Spike because his hair reminded them of Sonic. Ben is Relius uncle, who was in love with Ignis, and hated him. Carl had called Ben sometime ago, but he was too far away, so it took him a while to there. During this time Shimaru is the only person who can see Kazuma and Terumi. Who she see depends on the time of day and her mood. She is still able to see just Hazama sometimes, but other times she would she Terumi or Kazuma. Bang still stood there like a tin and while Noel and Jin went to go take a bath. Dicobogenus looks a little similar to Terumi. He's just a slight bit taller and a whole lot fatter. He and eat and digest any and everything, but, sometimes, chooses not to. He's constantly hungry. In the next chapter, something happens to Ada, Ignis, and Juju (Shimaru's version of Nirvana). By the way, Tao left after she dropped off Cotton and Candy PS. Hakumen may ask the same question over and over again. Guilty Gear will be included .You have been warned… Until then…

TBC


End file.
